Friday, January 29, 2010


I work for a non-profit organization. I love my job, but it comes with its own challenges.

Non-profits have find ways to make money, and mine does so by holding events. People pay to come to these events, thereby raising money for our organization. One of my multitude of responsibilities as "Executive Director" is to plan these events. We have one coming up in February.

Here is an illustration of how things are going right now:

That would be work trying to eat me.

Then, The Peanut got sick. My life started to look more like this:

This is my sick baby and work both trying to eat me.

So yeah, I have been a little overwhelmed lately.

The upside is that I have also been overwhelmed in a good way! I've been overwhelmed by all of the love this little blog has received. First of all, thank you for your comments on my post about the scary uber-mommies. We didn't make it to Book Babies this week because The Peanut was sick, but next week I will be thinking of what you guys said, and laughing at them. On the inside, of course.

I am also so excited for the new visitors I have received, who have read and made comments on my humble little blog. You make my day!

Finally, I am especially overwhelmed to have won two awards from two great bloggers.

Thank you to Just the Ashes for the Glob Award:

Thank you also to Hutch from Be Awesome Instead (which is probably the best blog name ever) for these awards:

I want to pass on the love to some of my favorite nostalgia bloggers who are always reminding me of the books and shows I loved as a kid: Sadako @ Dibbly Fresh, Nikki @ Are You There Youth? It's Me, Nikki, and Amber @ nostomanic. I also wanted to share the love with Michelle @ Desultory Diversions, who is an awesome blogger, commenter, and Twitter buddy. Speaking of Twitter? I would love to Tweet with you! You can follow me at @ISuck_AtThis.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The uber-mommies and me.

Recently, Kim at Perfectly Cursed Life (go read her!) wrote about going back to school, and the feelings of insecurity that went along with it. She closed with a question: How do you underestimate yourself?

The answer was easy for me. Book Babies. What is Book Babies? It's the story time group I take The Peanut to once a week. And the moms there freak me out.

I consider myself to be a pretty good mom. The Peanut is healthy, happy, and our doctor closes each check-up with "he's perfect." So I'm doing ok. But the Book Babies moms are a whole different breed of mom, and they make me feel like an idiot.

They drive mini-vans. They make their own baby food. They buy organic cotton environmentally friendly clothes for their children. Their kids have names like Phoenix and Heighlyie (that is how uber-mommies spell "Haley"). They all have this air of confidence, whether they are first-timers or repeat offenders. They just seem to KNOW that they are good moms; in fact, being a good mom seems to be their entire life.

Then you have me. Here's a little secret: I don't know what the hell I am doing. I've read all the books, I've taken the classes - I still have no effing clue. I still feel like a kid myself, and here I am trying to raise a kid. I am doing the best I can, which means sometimes I make mistakes. I learn something new about being a mom every day, and so far The Peanut has come out all right.

I drive a Sedan. Gerber makes our baby food. I buy my son's clothes at Walmart and Target, and his name is a regular name, spelled the regular way. When I get together with The Bestie, who is also a mommy, we usually aren't talking about chlorine-free diapers or "attachment parenting" - we're talking about the shoes we just bought, or "Keeping Up With the Kardashians."

My son is my whole life, but at the same time, he's NOT my whole life. Sometimes I wonder if that makes me a bad mom, but I think it actually makes me a better mom. My hope is that, because I haven't built all of my interests around him, I will be able to give him the space he needs to develop into his own person. I think that will be more beneficial to him than all of the homemade baby food in the world.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I lost it.

*It's been Debbie Downerville here lately. I apologize. January has been rough on me.*

It was the perfect day to stay in your pajamas. There was a foot of snow on the ground, so why bother to get up and get dressed? I looked forward to doing nothing all day.

Then the call came. Dad was gone. Heart attack. Died instantly.

No. I just talked to him last night. This couldn't have happened. But it did.

I remember everything that happened in those following moments perfectly. It is a movie I have watched in my head a thousand times. I called the Bestie. I took a shower. I was numb, in shock.

I miss the numbness. It was replaced with a pain, not a sharp one, but a dull ache, right in the deepest part of my heart. For a long time, I felt the ache every day. Now it's only sometimes, but it's deeper, harder. He is really gone. Really, really. And I miss him so much.

It's a part of life. It happens to all of us. Our parents die. But when it happens to you, it's totally foreign. You've been dropped into a land where you don't know the customs or speak the language. You have no idea what to do, or how you are supposed to move forward. No one can prepare you for it. It will never feel normal to be choosing your father's casket.

It's been a year today. The longest and shortest year of my life. I lost a father and gained a son. I have experienced deep sadness and great happiness. But every moment of happiness had a hint of sadness with it, because Dad wasn't here to share it. I wonder when that will go away. I suspect, never.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

For the record.

Date rape is not something to which a woman "overreacts." If it has happened to you, you have the right to your feelings. If things that remind you of that incident are upsetting to you, that is NORMAL. That is not you being an oversensitive bitch.

Just so we're clear.

I'm so angry I could spit.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I love cupcakes.

I wanted to be sure to thank Michelle for this sweet (ahahaha) award:

Directions are as follows:

1. list 10 things that make me happy, and do at least one today
2. tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day
3. link back to my awarder

So the ten things that make me happy are:

1. The Hubs
2. The Peanut
3. Vitamin Water!
4. Talking to my mom
5. Hanging out with The Bestie
6. Crocheting
7. Clearance rack shopping
8. Jersey Shore
9. Nostalgia blogs - especially book blogs!
10. Getting under the covers with a good book

If you are on my blogroll, consider yourself a recipient of this award. All of the blogs I read make me smile, laugh, or cry every day!

Project Healthy: Step Two

A couple of weeks ago I started Project Healthy, my attempt at making some real and lasting lifestyle changes. I kicked off Project Healthy with giving up my greatest love: soda.

I am proud to say that since I started the project, I have not had one soda! In the morning I have a cup of coffee to get my caffeine kick, and during the day I drink water. When I want something sweet to drink, I have a Vitamin Water. Can I say how much I love Vitamin Water? There have been several times I was about to cave in to my craving and drink a soda, and Vitamin Water saved me. When we go out to eat I will sometimes will treat myself and have a sweet tea, but NO SODA!

My next task was going to be giving up beef, but after my success with soda, I felt empowered. I wanted to tackle one of my bigger demons. So starting today: DAILY EXERCISE!

I am a Taurus. I am lazy by nature. Growing up I was an avid ballet dancer, taking classes five times a week. Since then, I have been an avid couch potato. All of my attempts to incorporate exercise into my life have failed. The sad part is, I feel GREAT when I exercise. I have more energy to get through the day. It's the actually getting up and doing it that I have problems with.

My goal is to do SOMETHING every day. We have lots of workout programs on our OnDemand, so I am starting there. The minimum I can do each day is something from the "10 Minute Workouts" section. My goal is to make it through Jillian Michaels' 58 minute Metabolism Boost workout without dying.

The beautiful and talented wishcake has a feature called Work It Out Weekends. I will be joining in on this as well. I am all about encouragement and accountability! If you are getting healthy in 2010, you should do the same!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Things no one tells you about being pregnant - TMI Thursday

Yesterday was a horrible day. I had a bad day, and everyone I know had a bad day. Everyone I love seems to be dealing with illness or broken relationships. I tried to post yesterday, but I was just too down - it hurt too much to put all those emotions into writing.

Well, it's a new day. Time for some smiles and laughter! I can't control the circumstances, but I can control my outlook. LiLu has a great feature at her blog called TMI Thursday - a chance to overshare and make fun of yourself (or others). This is my first TMI Thursday submission - what no one ever told me about being pregnant.

I was about eight months pregnant, and HUGE. I looked like I had stolen a basketball and hid it under my shirt. Life was generally uncomfortable, and I had to pee about 80092834 times a day. A couple of my friends had told me that while, they were pregnant, the baby rolled onto their bladder in the night, and they had ended up wetting the bed. I was so glad this hadn't happened to me.

One day, I came home from work, and the first thing I did (after going to the bathroom, of course) was change into my pjs. While changing I realized that something smelled like pee. Upon further examination, I realized that the smell was coming from the crotch of my pants. Uh, what? I hadn't peed my pants, and I hadn't peed ON my pants...why did my pants smell like pee? I checked out my undies, and yes, they were a little damp, but that was normal right? All my pregnancy books went into far too much detail about discharge and other disgustingness. I am ashamed to admit what I did next: I smelled my panties. OMG PEE SMELL! I finally put the pieces of the puzzle together.

IT WAS ME. I WAS THE PEE SMELL. No, I hadn't full on wet myself. But, the pressure of the baby on my bladder was making me leak urine. I was walking around smelling like pee all day, not even realizing it. I went to the hamper (or possibly a pile on the floor) and dug out the previous day's pants. PEE SMELL. HOW LONG HAD I BEEN WALKING AROUND SMELLING LIKE URINE? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I SMELLED LIKE PEE?

For the rest of my pregnancy, I took precautions to prevent smelling like a dirty bathroom. I am still to embarrassed to ask any of my friends if they ever noticed my scent issues.

(With all the urine and underwear-smelling, I can only imagine the Google Search Results I'll be appearing in now.)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I fought the law and I won.

New Year's Eve was fun. I attended a party at the home of The Bestie (and Mr. Bestie). I had a great time, and ended up leaving around 3am.

It was snowing and slick, so I was driving slow. I stopped at a stop sign, and then proceeded on my way. Right after that, there they were, the red and blue flashing lights of the city's finest. I wasn't sure what I had done, but of course I pulled over.

Turns out? The officer was suspicious because I was driving slowly and I came to a complete stop at the stop sign. Let's examine that: he was suspicious because I was driving safely. He was sure I had been drinking and was overcompensating. I assured him that I hadn't been drinking, but was more than happy to consent to any test he wanted me to perform. On the inside, I was praying he didn't ask me to say the alphabet backwards, because I can't do that sober.

He had me take a breathalyzer test, and wonder of wonders, I blew a 0.00! I tried my hardest not to be smug. The officer was apologetic, explaining that they are extra vigilant with it being New Year's Eve, etc. I assured him it was no problem, which it wasn't, but really? I kind of thought he needed to focus on people who were driving recklessly (you know, like drunk people do) and not worry about the people who are OBEYING TRAFFIC LAWS AND BEING CAUTIOUS. I'm just saying. I'm not one to tell someone else how to do their job (especially when their job involves carrying firearms), so I kept my thoughts to myself.

An awesome way to start 2010.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Even better than winning a Dundie.

I had all kinds of things to blog about today - New Year's resolutions, getting pulled over for driving the speed limit, but all of those things will have to wait because nostomanic gave me this:

I am very honored, especially since the point of this blog is to be a Better Blogger than I have been in the past. Thank you so much to Amber!

Alas, I cannot simply bask in the glory of my win, because this award came with rules! They are as follows:

1) Thank the person who nominated me for this award.
2) Copy the award & place it on my blog.
3) Link to the person who nominated me for this award.
4) Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
5) Nominate 7 bloggers.
6) Post links to the 7 blogs I nominate.

First, seven things about me:

1. I don't drink alcohol. There is no real moral or ethical reason for this, I just don't like it that much. I used to drink all the time (we call that college!), but now I don't really enjoy the taste of most alcoholic beverages. This isn't a hard and fast rule, if I want a drink, I'll have one. But 99% of the time I just don't want to drink. However, right now I would give my left arm for a can of delicious soda. Damn healthy lifestyle changes.

2. I can't do a cartwheel. It doesn't matter much now, but it was the source of much embarrassment when I was in elementary school.

3. Most embarrassing DVD in my collection: Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Which I also saw in the theater. Twice.

4. The first crush I remember having was on Freddy from Scooby-Doo. I don't know how that would have worked.

5. I don't own an ipod. I probably won't until about five minutes before they are outdated.

6. I was all about not having an epidural when I had my son. Until I actually went into labor. I LOVE YOU EPIDURAL YOU'RE MY BFF!

7. When I don't have clean socks, I steal my husband's. Don't tell him.

On to the nominations! I would nominate everyone on my blogroll, but here are 7 particulars:

1. Shannon's Sweet Valley High Blog
2. Children of the 90s
3. Just the Ashes
4. Are You There Youth? It's Me, Nikki - She already got this award, but I love her blog so I am regifting!
5. the state that i am in
6. Desultory Diversions
7. To Be or Not to Be (Accepted)

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