Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Things No One Tells You About Being Pregnant - Transvaginal What?

If you haven't noticed, my TMI Thursday posts have a common theme: pregnancy. There are two reasons for this:

  1. I'm knocked up.
  2. Pregnancy is full embarrassing TMI moments, so I have lots of material
Be sure you visit LiLu, who originated TMI Thursday. She also happens to be a hilarious and very talented writer.

Let me set the scene for you. I am finishing up at one of my early prenatal appointments. The doctor says, "Ok, I am going to bring you back in two weeks, and we will do your first ultrasound."

Awesome! First ultrasound! I can't wait.

Two weeks later, I arrive at the OBGYN's office for the big ultrasound. The nurse leads me to the ultrasound room and tells me to undress from the waist down.

Undress? I'm just having an ultrasound, right? I ask the nurse this very question.

"Oh yes, you're having a transvaginal ultrasound. The doctor will insert this into your vagina and you'll get to see your little baby."

"This" was a rather phallic looking wand attached to the machine. I started to freak out. I wasn't freaked out by the procedure itself, it was just...

When a girl knows she is going to have to show her goodies to the doctor, whether pregnant or not, she does certain things to prepare. There is maintenance that has to be done in that general region to make sure everything is looking presentable. I hadn't done any of those things. And hadn't for awhile. Things were not looking their best in that zone. In my naivete, I thought it would be like the ultrasounds I had seen on television, where they just rub a thingie on your tummy and hello, baby! And now my doctor was not only going to be looking at my unkempt private area, but poking at it with a magic wand. Awesome.

The doctor comes in, and we get down to business. He starts by putting A CONDOM on the ultrasound wand. Am I going to be having intercourse with this thing? Not cool.

The good thing about this situation is that all embarrassment was forgotten when I saw a little flicker on the screen and realized it was my baby's heartbeat. Holy crap! We were really having a baby!

And now I know better the second time around.


T. The Destructor said...

OMG, I would have hopped off the table, and been like, "let me run to the drug store, and I'll be back in like, 20 min." Do my garden trim, get it to that new-car smell, and be back in. There is nooooo way I would have had the doc see the wild-state of miss kitty. I would have freaked. For sure.

P.S. the word verification for this post was Bilbo. Like Baggins, from Lord of the Rings. I thought that was worth mentioning.

Sadako said...

I kind of always wondered if they were all trans vaginal or if they just went through the tummy.

Do I turn into a bad girly girl if I reveal that I don't really do anything to my nether regions before showing them to anyone? I wax religiously everywhere else but it's pretty much always a wild garden. I think it pretty much always smells pretty normal.

Cecilia said...

Are you telling me that all the things they show on tv are a lie????

Still..I L O V E these posts about pregnancy! Though I'm not necessarily planning for it any time soon, I think it's so f'in cool to finally get the story! :D

nikki said...

Yeah, I was a little shocked too. It's nice at the later appointments to get the tummy ones. Unlike you though, I'm SUPER lazy ALL THE TIME about..uh...keeping things trim down there so to speak. He's a doctor - he's seen worse. said...

Lol I am so glad I stumbled across your blog...

Hey i wanted to invite you to check out my site for moms:)
It is

Anyways you have a new follower

Anonymous said...

Hahaha I have been the lucky recipient of more transvag ultrasounds than I want to count, both during pregnancy and not (ovarian cysts).

Last time (not pregnant) was my first time with a male tech...and not only did this guy dim the lights but also turned on the soft rock. Not. even. kidding.

Good times.

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